Well, it sure has been quite the journey to get to this point, but it has been so worth the pain, heartache, and the wait!
Looking Back
If you’ve followed our story at all, you may know that we started trying for baby #2 the end of last June 2021. This was right after I stopped breastfeeding Ansley and had just gotten my IUD out. Ansley was 21 months and to be honest, I wasn’t mentally ready to even try yet, so we said let’s just take these steps and casually see how things go..
Well, if you know me at all, you know I am less of a “casual, go with the flow, see how things go” type person. I’m actually super type A, extreme planner, OCD girl! Therefore, I started tracking everything right off the bat.
Fast forward, we sadly ended up having 2 early pregnancy losses the first 2 months of trying. The third month, we took a mental and physical break, and then ended up pregnant again in month 4.
Pregnant Again
My anxiety was, of course, very high the first trimester, as I was constantly worried something would happen. I put my full trust in the Lord, that whatever happened was His plan even when I didn’t understand.
We found out that this baby’s due date was July 9th. After extra bloodwork and 4 first trimester ultrasounds, I started to feel a bit more at ease.
Based on my pregnancy with Ansley, I kinda assumed this baby would be late, since I was induced at 41 weeks with her. However, towards that second half of my pregnancy, I started to feel like he may just come early. I felt his movements way sooner and way stronger that I ever did with Ansley, and he felt so low too!
I reached the end of the third trimester and felt everything…except for contractions! At my 37 week appointment, I was already 1cm and 50% effaced, which was way more than I ever was with Ansley at that point. I packed my bags shortly after that and then it was just a waiting game.
The Waiting Game
At 38 weeks 5 days, I went in and the doctor was able to do a membrane sweep, in hopes this would speed things up a bit. I started cramping for about 4 days after but still no major progression. I went back 2 more times over the next week and a half for 2 more sweeps…still nothing major happened. I actually had an induction scheduled at 39wks and 4 days, since my doctor would be on call, and we were an hour away. However, my hope was that I would go into labor on my own and not have to be induced again. So, I ended up cancelling that early induction. However, as we got closer to the 41 week mark, I knew he just wasn’t going to come without a little help (just like sister). So, we went ahead and scheduled another induction at 40wks 5 days. A few days before, we went into the doctor’s office to do another ultrasound and non-stress test to check on baby and see if I was having any contractions. At that point, they were very minor contractions (barely any), and baby looked great!
Getting Induced Again
On July 14th, we went in at 7am to Labor and Delivery to start my induction. I believe I was having some sort of contractions, but it mostly just felt like cramping to me. They hooked me up to the monitor and said I was having some, but I wasn’t feeling any pain at all.
That morning I was about 2cm dilated. The nurse was ready to start my Pitocin, but she also needed to draw blood too. She attempted to draw blood from the same spot she was using to hook up my Pitocin and ended up having issues. After 4 attempts and swelling veins, I finally had my IV ready to start Pitocin, but got very lightheaded and the room started closing in. (Of course, Austin wasn’t in the room at that moment, but thankfully 2 nurses were there to help get me back to normal).
Once I was hooked up to Pitocin around 8:30am, I wasn’t really allowed to eat and could only have water. The plan was to increase my Pitocin every 30 minutes until 9:30am. The doctor stopped in at that point and mentioned she may end up having to break my water in the next few hours if it didn’t break on its own. From there, the nurses decided to go up every 15 minutes on the Pitocin until about 11am. At that point, the nurses checked me, and I was still only about 3cm dilated. I wasn’t feeling much of anything still. The nurse was awesome and let me walk around, bounce on the ball, and helped me try many different positions to try to help speeds things up and open up my cervix more.
At 2:00pm, I reached level 24 of Pitocin, the highest you can go. My body seemed to not be responding much to the Pitocin, so the nurses decided to stop my Pitocin for 30 minutes and then restart it to give my body a break. The same thing actually happened when I was induced with Ansley, so I was worried it could now be a while before this baby was born. The plan was to start it back around 2:30pm and then have the doctor come break my water. At this point, I was having contractions about 2-4 minutes apart according to the monitor, but I still didn’t feel much pain.
At about 4:15pm, the nurse decided to change out my Pitocin bag, just in case it may have been a “bad bag”. Not sure if that was the case or not, but since I still wasn’t progressing much even after hours of Pitocin, she figured it wouldn’t hurt.
I had been hoping and waiting that my water would break on its own, but it still hadn’t. The doctor had also gotten caught up and pulled in a million different directions, and although she was hoping to come back earlier that day to break my water, she didn’t end up coming back until right before 6pm.
Of course, Austin had no idea she would be coming at that time and had just left to go get food. I told her to just go ahead and break my water because I was getting pretty frustrated at the lack of progress. Not long after, the contractions picked up and really picked up fast! At one point, I swear I had 4 contractions that seemed to be 60 seconds long and only 30 seconds apart. It seemed like I wasn’t getting any break from the pain.
I knew I wanted to get an epidural, but I also didn’t want to get it too soon. With Ansley, I got it a little too soon and didn’t have her for 13 hours later and was stuck in the bed. So, I tried to move around as much as possible while having contractions. Around 8pm, the nurses thought it was probably best to start prepping for the epidural, since I was in a lot of pain and shaking with most contractions. The epidural was successfully placed and from there I was bed bound. Once the epidural settled, the nurses were still able to help move me into different positions to keep labor progressing.
At 9:20pm, the nurses check me, and I was finally 8.5cm! The previous check, I was still only 3cm, so this made my day! Just 40 minutes later, at 10pm, they checked me again, and I was already 9.5cm! The nurses said the doctor would be in shortly, and we were close to pushing. This whole time, and even before getting my epidural, I was feeling intense butt pressure (that pushing feeling). I wasn’t sure if it was just normal contraction pressure or if it was the feeling of needing to push. Since it was 10pm, and I was already 9.5cm, I thought, we can probably get this baby out before midnight. To be honest, I had gotten a little caught up on the birthday 7/14, since we had been there all day. I was determined to get him out before midnight. Well, the doctor was caught up with another delivery and didn’t come back in the room until about 11:45pm. At this point, I knew he wasn’t going to be born before midnight, which was totally fine. However, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little frustrated after a whole day of slow progression and lots of waiting, but it was all, of course, out of my control.
Time to Push
The 2 nurses got me ready to push, and the doctor came in shortly after. It helped having done this before, so I felt fairly familiar with the process. I also asked for them to bring in a stand up mirror again for pushing. I know, it sounds so weird, but I had it with Ansley, and I swear it helped with the entire pushing process both times. Being able to see your progress is encouraging and helpful. I pushed for about 40 minutes (with Ansley, I pushed for 1.5hrs), and in no time, baby boy was here!
He weighed a woppin’ 8lb13lb and was 22in long, which totally explains why I was pretty dang uncomfortable towards the end of my pregnancy, lol! Thankfully this time around I didn’t tear, which was surprising considering his size. Because of this, my recovery was a lot better than it was after tearing when I had Ansley.
This experience was similar to Ansley’s birth in the sense that we were induced. However, this second time around, we were in and out of the hospital a lot faster, we knew a bit more of what to expect, and recovery has seemed a lot easier.
Early Post Partum Days
Adjusting to a family of 4 has been amazing! Ansley has been such a sweet big sister (she is a toddler though, so she has her moments, lol!) and baby Knox fits in just perfectly into our wild world.
My post partum emotions have been a little different this time. With Ansley, of course, everything was all brand new to me. All the unknowns of newborn life caused me a lot of anxiety. This time around, coming home from the hospital, I was less worried about the newborn life and more emotional at the fact that my one on one time with Ansley was never going to be exactly like it had been for the past *almost* 3 years of her life. The mom guilt crept in, and I was feeling really sad. She wasn’t my little baby anymore. She all the sudden looked SO big. Only 2.5 days away, and I swear she grew a foot and 10lbs. No one really prepares you for that feeling. I felt this strange heartache that I almost couldn’t explain. Those good ole days with just me and my girl were never going to be the same.
Fast forward to 6 weeks in, and things are settling in. I feel a lot better about the adjustment, although some days are definitely harder than others. I’ve allowed myself to feel whatever feelings I feel, as I slowly adapt. I do my best to make special time for my Ansley girl, so that we can always have that special bond, and I allow her to help with baby Knox in any way possible.
I share all of this for any other mamas out there that may be in a similar season. If you’re a first time mom, you can also check out my blog post on Ansley’s Birth Story. Everyone’s birth and post partum journeys are a bit different, but sometimes hearing other’s stories provide solidarity and comfort during these delicate days.
